What Happened to All Those Fathers?
Every aborted child had a mother and a father. But how many people ever really give that much thought?
Because we live in a world that insists that abortion is an issue that only women get to have a voice in, the contribution that the father of a child would or should make into that child’s life has almost become a non-issue. In many cases, the fathers are not consulted, because it’s assumed that they don’t have a say in the issue, or their reaction is expected to be so harsh and threatening that the woman feels she has no choice but to take matters into her own hands.
In either case, what’s left is a man who fathered a child but who never made a contribution to that child’s life. Not only was the life of his child abruptly and violently taken, but this father never got to invest in his progeny.
His child was definitely denied his or her life, but what was this father denied?
This father was denied making the kind of contribution that, in part, defines a man as a man: leadership, heart, problem-solving, money, reputation, creativity, commitment, fight, love, pain, and resolve.
Somehow those kinds of losses are recorded in the soul of a man (no matter what his age) as a deep and significant failure. And it only reinforces the “most feared” answer to the question that every man asks of himself: “Do I have what it takes?” When he hears a resounding “no” to that question, he then accepts another layer of guilt, shame and emasculation.
Bill writes, “I believed that I had no influence or voice in the decision. I believed the lie that this decision was ‘her choice’ alone and so it happened that 30+ years ago, I stood by silently and waited while an abortionist took my child’s life. It profoundly wounded his mother, destroyed a family and stole my belief in who I was as a man.”
Another man writes, “I wasn’t in the room: I wasn’t even in the clinic that day. But in my mind, I’ve been there a million times since. I’ve been there watching, breaking, wanting to rescue you. In my mind, I need to be a hero not a killer, the man who didn’t flee. But I am not. I am the man I fear to see.”
Adam writes, “Then it was time, they lead her away, and I could see in her face that she was so incredibly scared… I was so scared… I still clearly remember sitting in a colorless waiting room watching a mindless game show on a mounted wall TV. This was to be the entertainment for the men while their children were being murdered in the room next door… every part of me was silently screaming out for help… I was sick to my stomach… I wanted to vomit. Just 20 feet away my girlfriend was going through the most traumatic 30 minutes of her life. I wanted to run in and take her place and have them do it to me instead.
Professor Arthur Shostak of Drexel University surveyed 1,000 men waiting in abortion clinics while their girlfriends and wives were having abortions. He concluded the following:
Shostak’s study found a vast range of emotions among the men. They feared for the woman’s health, felt guilty about the abortion or the pregnancy, felt self-doubt and also anguish and pain over the loss of their children and over the entire abortion ‘experience’.
Are you an ‘aborted father’? One whose child was aborted with or without your consent? There are many ways to get help if you are a woman, but for a man, there are very few places you can turn. Here is a start. Connect with us at godeeperstillark…. For more information and/or to get information about attending your own Deeper Still retreat.
Do you want to learn more? Contact us at GoDeeperStillArkansas@gmail.com.